Day 29...Can You Shake Hands Like Men?

As we have been working our way through the Lord’s prayer, we’ve come to a very challenging portion of it- “Forgive us our sins as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us.” Sin is such a huge issue that God himself had to come down in flesh and cruelly die to provide forgiveness for our sins. Every ruptured relationship that we or others may be struggling with is rooted in sin. Thus, it must be uprooted. God is most merciful to forgive us when we confess our sins. We reflected on this yesterday- “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Prov.15:33. We also reviewed our helpful way of encouraging ourselves to confess rather than conceal our sins. We simply write Y for "Yes" after the letter R at the end of our daily comments. Again, the letter R stands for such things as Repented, Reconciled, made Restitution, Regained my Respect in God’s eyes, the eyes of others and in myself. Speaking of the word restitution, let’s answer a question regarding it and then tackle some other questions related to forgiveness.

What is restitution anyway?

The word is used 14 times in the Bible and it means to make amends, to repay. The goal of restitution is restoring things to a friendly or peaceful relationship. A proper apology could be the one I taught my son as a child, "I'm sorry; what I did was wrong. Would you please forgive me? What can I do to make it up to you?" It is because of the Bible's wise teaching on making amends that we practice restitution when a brother would wrong another by not calling him back by the end of the following day or being late for a meeting. He is to make amends with a doughnut or a drink. (My brew is Diet Mt.Dew:) Notice that this is not some heavy fine, though the wrong was wrong indeed.(As a matter of fact, if this same issue occurs again, the wronged party is to contact another coach so that we can help the offender to overcome such.)  The doughnut or drink is an inexpensive thing, designed to foster a happy resolution. As a matter of fact, we encourage the offending person to buy a few doughnuts so he too can all the more enjoy their next time together. Why? Because this isn't about shame but celebrating restoration. All is well now. Restitution restores the respect owed to the other team member and one's self-respect (and vice versa). We can never respect ourselves when we have acted disrespectfully. 

People can try to minimize, rationalize or conceal their sins against another, but it is still a barrier in the relationship until it is broken down by confession and restitution. We are following God's example- he devises ways so that a person may not remain estranged (2 Sam.14:14). Restitution is aimed at the restoration of the relationship. This is the heart of God and our heart in this matter. God celebrates relationships restored and so do we. When a brother rights his wrong via confession and restitution, he also gets to put a Y after that R. And that puts points on the board for the team and for himself. We celebrate the strength it took to make that wrong right. Way to go!

Why do so many recommend to write a list of wrongs you need to right?

Writing helps our minds to clarify things and may expose hidden things. Paul wrote, “we have renounced secret and shameful ways.” 2 Cor.4:2. We know that “he who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Prov.28:13. So it is wise to clean house, to gain a clear conscience. May this be our testimony- “We are sure that we have a clear conscience and desire to live honorably in every way.” Heb.13:18. The letter R is about helping you be a warrior of Respect and honor. So right wrongs.

But what if the person I wronged has done a whole lot of wrong to me to begin with? They may deserve a whole lot worse than you ever did to them. But as my father used to say when I returned wrong back to my brother or sister, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Here’s what our Father says, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Rom.12:17-21.

This is what God did for us. He overcame our evil by doing good for us. He gave far more than food; He gave us his Son that we might be reconciled to him. Reconciliation is so Godlike and of such great importance to God. Look what he has even commissioned us to do- God “reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.” 2 Cor.5:18-20. May we also not count people's sins against them.

We are ambassadors of reconciliation! So if we realize during our time of worship that we have offended someone, what should we do? Jesus said, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” Mt.5:23-24. Wow! Reconciliation is even more important than worshiping and giving. So seek to settle matters quickly. Make this “a big rock,” a top priority issue.

But what if the person is no longer alive?

You could imagine them still alive before you and confess your wrongdoing.

But what if I don’t even know where the person lives anymore?

Then you could pray, “Lord, if you want me to seek their forgiveness, then you will need to surface them.” God will orchestrate things as He sees fit. He is glad that you have a willing heart to make things right.

But what if it would only make things worse?

Then leave that with God as well. Perhaps write out a letter of confession nonetheless to get it cleansed out of you, then get rid of the letter as God does with our sins.

But what if the person is still not a safe person? I don’t want to have a relationship with him (her).

You don’t need to. Ask for forgiveness or granting forgiveness is not the same as trusting them again. Trust is something that is earned by being trustworthy.

Note: If the person you are talking to doesn't know you're a Christian, it's often good to begin by saying, "God has convicted me that what I did was wrong..." Give God the credit for such. You might be pleasantly surprised at where the conversation goes because of this. 

G.a- There might be other things that you think are important to add to our discussion on seeking forgiveness from a person we have wronged. If so, feel free to share if you wish. Or if you have a personal story you want to share, without getting into intimate details, that could be very helpful to others. This kind of sharing with others is huge. We are not modeling perfection for our team mates, but modeling what to do with our imperfections. JC Penney said, "When you fall down, get up." We want to coach people to get up.

G.b- Several Scriptures were shared again today. Pick one that especially grabbed you; write it out and share briefly your thoughts on it. Then also write it on your MP3 card. Do the “Did it” when you did it.

G.c- How many individuals or groups did you share the riches of your MP3 card with since you posted yesterday?

R?

E?

A?