People Skills
Today's reading: Please read Prov.11:1-15 and note a verse that really grabs your attention.
Here's the verse that got me thinking. When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Prov.11:2
Let me counsel you married men- don't put up with any hint of lack of devotion from your wife. You deserve the best. And how dare she ever say anything negative about you. So assassinate her character if she starts to shoot at you. Be a faultfinder, not a good finder to get her to improve. Don't focus on fixing the problem; fix the blame on your spouse. Get historical and prophetic. What I mean by this is- say things like, "You've always been this way and you're never going to change!" By the way, make sure when you argue to always use, "You always" and "You never" (Demon's note: It's sure to escalate their arguments and sidetrack them from ever solving the real problem.) You deserve better than this. Just think (often) how much better you would be with someone else. (Demon's note: Seek to get them to spend their mental energy dreaming of escaping or avoiding their spouse, rather than improving their marriage.) Use any insecurities, fears, physical imperfections or struggles your spouse has confided in you as future weapons to get even. Blast from the past. Keep plenty of ammo in mind to fire at her the next time your spouse dares to disrespect you.
Should your spouse show any form of resistance, retaliate with sarcasm or other forms of contempt- roll your eyes, mock her words or gestures, make little sounds of disgust, give demeaning facial gestures. Drop the "divorce" word bomb whenever resistance mounts. Or say other similar things such as, "I never should have married you!" or "I don't know why I stay with you!" She has failed to measure up, so intimidate, don't validate your spouse. Then show your subtle contempt for her by devoting your time and attention to other things. (Demon's note: This will slowly but surely starve their marriage and multiply their misery.) Whatever you do, don't make sacrifices for your spouse, because they don't deserve it. (Demon's note: Don't let them discover that the less dedication, the less satisfaction and happiness they will have in marriage. Keep them focused on how much more they have done than their spouse. Love is others oriented, not self centered, but you must never let them focus on love and the love they are to reflect of our enemy, their Savior.)
Next, make sure to defend yourself. It's such a subtle, but great way of putting the blame back on your spouse. Never really pause and listen to her feelings and frustrations. Never seek to reconcile. Always seek to prove you're right. Rehearse and nurse defensive thoughts, such as "I don't deserve this." (Demon's note: Defensiveness will help them sink their own marriage, but they will feel justified that is was their wife's fault. They will never see that their own defensiveness torpedoed their marriage. Pride is such a great weapon!)
1.-If you're married, please share as if you were seeking to help an engaged man regarding conflict in marriage. It's going to come. But what have you found that has helped or hurt when you and your wife have had conflict? (If you're single, what have you found that has helped or hurt when you had conflict with a friend or family member?)
2.-Copy down on your MP3 card, When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Prov.11:2
Announcements
I'm happy to introduce our newest M3 member, Marcos Rico! Marcos has been attending New Life for about 4 years now and actively involved. We welcome you Marcos and look forward to your great future of growth and multiply manly men. I also want to commend Gary who first began talking to Marcos a few months ago. And George also encouraged Marcos to join. Way to go men!
Several of you have shared some powerful stories from your life and given great advice to others. Would you like to help write a blog based on a portion in Proverbs? If so, just contact me for more info. Thanks!
One great thing that my wife does is that she never says negative things about me in front of anyone else. If she has a problem with something that I have done she will tell me privately and it is never brought up again.
ReplyDeleteThat false promise that things will be better with someone else is a terrible lie. Ultimately you are blaming your spouse for all of the problems and saying it can’t be fixed. That is not true though and you will either have the exact same problems in the next relationship, or a whole new set of problems. Getting revenge is also a terrible thing as well. It will always make things worse; It is best to be the one who ends the fight. Just like in my last post don’t use “Always” or “Never” cause these can never be true and will poison your outlook on your spouse.
Thanks Ed for the advice. Can't use always and never. You become dishonest when you do.
DeleteYou have a very good wife Ed. You are equally yoked:)
DeleteGood words brother! Its not always the other person with problems. Reality check for me. Thanks
DeleteExcellent encouraging of others Ed!
DeleteIn my relationship I have always been animate about resolving a conflict that would arrive and keep quiet about the false hoods of my opinions. The transparency in the approach has led to victory over the enemy and the ability to share where point of view is coming from. as in verse 11:12
ReplyDeleteJust as the opposite of transparency holds true that if I were to bottle stuff in and keep frustrated about a certain thing, it would lead to lashing out. Ive done that to a co-worker before. Also the weaknesses and hidden insecurities that could be so hidden can arise and the enemy will want to use that against us. For example in my dealing with abandonment and lonely early years of my life only by God’s grace was I able to conquer a present situation where my girlfriend and I would spend limited time together which would frustrate me. Ultimately thoughI realized that in limited time I was still being selfish.
Did it
Good morning Gary. Great advice on keeping quiet about the falsehoods of my opinions.
DeleteYes Gary, we need to speak the truth in love, rather than bottling things up or lashing out.
DeleteIn Prov 11:12 we read:"Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. "
ReplyDeleteTo me this is verse is so true and applicable to marriage, many times my first reaction towards my wife when I feel she has done something that offends me is to want to lash out and belittle her but I have learned throughout the years to just remain silent and take some time to think and process the whole situation.
If after I have calmed down and it is a situation that needs to be addressed I will talk to her.
These situations are always a challenge for me but after listening to many messages at church and heard many brothers talk about how they deal with conflict in their marriage it has become easier to go through this process and deal with it in a healthy way that avoids conflict in the relationship.
Excellent Roger. There is a time to speak and a time to remain silent. And the time to speak is usually after the time to remain silent. I'm still working on calming my soul before speaking.
Delete1.Here's the verse that got me thinking. When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Prov.11:2
ReplyDeleteGod can work with an attitude of humbleness. In fact, when we come to God and are real and straight up with him, understanding that we are guilty, we put ourselves in a position for receive His grace.
2. I know in my personally relationships, and something I didn't do a great job of when I was in a dating relationship, was apologize when I was in the wrong. Instead of making excuses or point fingers, when I am guilty, I ask for forgiveness and do my best to mend the relationship as quickly as possible.
Good advice Eddie. Have an attitude of humbleness during conflict is a great approach.
DeleteExcellent advice Eddie! So good to chat with you already today.
DeleteProverbs 11:1-2 (NIV) The Lord detests dishonest scales, but accurate weights find favor with him. 2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
ReplyDeleteOne of the tools that I have found useful during conflicts is the "I feels". It is about being accountable for your feelings while not putting the person down. For example, I feel disrespected when you yell at me to wash the dishes. Versus you need to stop yelling at me you little angry person. Hope it helps. God bless.
I feel you on that one brother! Excellent advice Sam!
DeleteThat is great advice. The wording of "I feel" is helpful in expressing a concern without putting the other person on the defensive.
Delete"The righteous person is rescued from trouble, and it falls on the wicked instead." Proverbs 11:8
ReplyDeleteI recall my previous Pastor, Willie Vasquez, speak on the 80/20 principal in marriage. The concept was that no matter how good a person we are, we're all flawed and have shortcomings. So at best, we end up with or are the person that meets 80% of needs. We have two choices, hold on to the 80%, or give it up and chase after the 20% someone else may be able to fill. Do the math and we soon realize we have more to lose than gain.
Thanks Robert. And even if my wife is 80% to blame for the squabble, I need to own up to the 20% I contributed.
DeleteI too have chosen, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Prov.11:2. There is an old saying "Pride comes before the fall." I don't believe that if you have pride in your work, family or friends is an issue. It's only when you become prideful about yourself is when you have a problem.
ReplyDeleteAs for marriages here are some words to live by- Happy wife happy life., I am sorry dare (no matter if your right), Yes dare (to whatever they want to do). Remember what I stated yesterday it's not who wins the fight/argument it's who wins the race to the cross. God wants us to love our wife as His love's the Church. God has disappointments when it comes to His people and we will have disappointments in our marriages. But I think for the most part we will have more good times than bad times in our marriages.
Yes Mike. And "Yes dear" are great words to live by. As one wag said, I always get the last word in an argument with my wife- "Yes dear."
DeleteMike I like the "it's not who wins the fight/argument it's who wins the race to the cross" it puts a new prospective on a lot of things. We need to show people God's grace.
Delete1. Proverbs 11:2 taught me how to end arguments and conflict. Sometimes you just have to humble yourself and let the issue go whether you are right or wrong. I found myself always trying to be right when it came to certain conflicts. Not realizing that I was just being prideful. Im going to start practicing to be more humbled and understanding when it comes to arguements. Good verse for the future. Thanks for sharing Dave.
ReplyDelete2.Did it
Thank you James! That's been a hard, but important lesson for me to learn. If I'm right I want to prove it to my wife. But you can win the battle, yet lose the war. Oh, to speak the truth in love, and at times, wisely not speak out of love. Not because of cowardice, but because it's not worth it. It's not a doctrinal issue, it just may be a pride issue.
DeleteThe verse that grabs me is The LORD detests the use of dishonest scales, but he delights in accurate weights. (Proverbs 11:1 NLT). The Lord Our God hates or dislike someone very strongly who doesn't see equal or balance. Here are verses that explains: But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For God does not show favoritism. (Romans 2:5-11 NIV). But the Lord God have a strong feeling of happiness: great pleasure, satisfaction to mankind able to produce results that are correct : not making mistakes. Following God's instructions with equal and/or balance life is living happy and joyful lives--exactly the way everyone wants to live. Pslams1 gives the exact formula for such life: following God and His instructions. Yet many of us think there are other ways to achieve happiness. We're too shortsighted or stubborn or both. We want to do it ourselves. But following God's way ultimately guarantees a life of joy and happiness.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that Marcos. Any thoughts on question #1?
DeleteWhen pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Prov.11:2
ReplyDeleteMany times in my marriage I try to bring rational explanations to defend myself when the situation is already irrational. Like Dave said defending your actions and going on the attack never works. Giving your wife space and taking a time out in a non spiteful way is the best way to go. It's hard to not retaliate because her words feel like a low blow and she's not playing by the rules. But we must play by the rules. Proverbs admonishes ' a gentle answer turns away wrath". It is better to share feelings and not attack. For our wives it's usually something deeper than forgetting the milk. We must give them grace.
Yessir! Very well put Nicpal. I can definatly relate. Thanx for sharing
DeleteAmen, Nicpal. If you must attack...attack in prayer. I find that praying for my wife and our marriage when I feel slighted or offended is a much more effective use of my time and energy. Speaking the name of my Lord and my wife in the same breath reminds me of His love for me, that he would put someone on this Earth to love me as only my wife can, and of my calling to love her even when it hurts. How can I stay upset at my wife after that?
DeleteExcellent thoughts Nic- "It's hard to not retaliate because her words feel like a low blow and she's not playing by the rules." I've felt that way many times too.
DeleteMore great words- "It is better to share feelings and not attack. For our wives it's usually something deeper than forgetting the milk. We must give them grace."
I am beginning to suspect that there is a proverb for every situation in my life, and Proverbs 11:2 provides the kind of wisdom my wife and I have stumbled through the first years of our young marriage to learn. In terms of popular psychology, my wife and I are polar opposites (personality-wise). She is assertive, driven, a real go-getter. I am more passive, patient, and calculating. She likes things done, and now. I 'm more of an "it will happen at its due time" kind of guy. The one aspect of our personality that we share in common is our propensity to be proud. We hate arguing with each other (most times over trivial matters misperceived or blown out of proportion...guilty as charged), but when we do, our pride swells up and neither of us backs down. She can carry out an effective seige, and I can hold out for the long haul. This only leads to days without saying a single word to each other. Lately, though, we've seen the error of our ways.
ReplyDeleteWe recently had an argument that ended with me sleeping on the couch (voluntarily) and her at the other end of the house. We went to work the next morning and said all of four words half-heartedly to each other: "Have a great day." We were both too proud to address the matter then and there and seek forgiveness for any offense we may have given. During my lunchbreak, I cried out my frustration quietly in prayer. This couldn't go on like this. Sooner or later something had to give. That something was us. God was calling us to surrender our pride, to lay it at the foot of His throne. Before I picked up my phone to text my wife, I prayed that God would give me a sign that things could get better...that I could love my wife more, not less, despite the arguments. All I needed was something to hold onto, any form of reassurance. Before I could finish my text, my wife texted me: "I am sorry, babe. I don't want us to be this way. I won't let my pride create distance between us."
She took the words right out of my mouth. I responded that I was sorry also; that I would rather be on her corner than standing across the ring from her. I confided in her that God was lightning quick to answer my prayer. Her courage to humble herself and apologize was the sign I had prayed for. Since then, we have ended every little argument with a hug or a kiss and a mutual apology. Sometimes we've had to use those timeouts we talked about a few days ago, but we both know the value of humility and humbling ourselves to the one person in our life against who our shield should never be raised. We are a work in progress, but God is working greatly in us and our marriage.
WELCOME TO M3, BROTHER MARCOS! Great to have you with us. You're at the right place, at the right time, as Pastor Mark would put it. God bless, brothers.
2. Complete!
That is great brother. Remember that your wife's polar opposite personality is complimentary to the relationship- she has certain talents, skills and perspectives that you might not have, and you have talents, skills and perspectives that she doesn't have; together you make a perfect couple.
DeleteWow that is a beautiful story with a happy ending! Thanx for sharing brother! I have a similar story like that myself. And yes we are all works in progress. It sounds like you have a great marriage my man!
DeleteSimply excellent Osiris!
DeleteI have learned never to assume, jump to conclusions and jealousy can really put a weight on a marriage. I have always struggled with trust in the beginning and that caused a lot of arguments, which afterward I always ended up apologizing.
ReplyDeleteI am guilty of doing that as well. A comment spoken that I interpret as an attack on me, but that I actually misunderstood. I think as we have these experiences, we remind ourselves not to jump to conclusions and we slowly grow in wisdom.
DeleteThanx for sharing that brother!
DeleteAh Ricardo, I love your honesty and your ability to apologize. That takes a strong man to do so. I would be a stronger man if I could do that more often.
Delete1 The school of life. If I where a doer of the Word in my past I would have avoid meny mistakes in life. I need to be more like Christ. Humbleness and the love he had for the sick and the sinners and the saints.
ReplyDelete"Take my yoke upon you for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." Mt.11:29
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2
Excellent George!
DeleteGeorge, you have a wealth to share. Please enrich us. Thanks!
Delete1. In conflicts with my wife we have
ReplyDeleteLearned that if you can make the issue more about how I feel and less about what you did. That helps keep the other person less defensive and easier to work through the issues. For example: instead of saying " why don't you pay attention to me any more?" Say instead " I've felt lately like I'm not important to you."
2.A thick bankroll is no help when life falls apart,
but a principled life can stand up to the worst. Prov 11:4
Good stuff Dave! I like that.
DeleteGreat Dave! "Why don't you pay attention to me anymore?" Reminds me of the man's T-shirt that read, "My wife says I don't listen to her...or something like that." :)
DeletePrvo.11:2 When pride comes then comes disgrace but with the humble is wisdom. I like this verse we should always guard are self from be coming prideful because we know that
ReplyDeleteis what lead to satna down fall.
I agree that this point struck me the hardest, brother John, that Satan's downfall came as a result of his pride. Lord, help me to be humble in all I do and say and think, that I should never find myself so far removed from you as the great deceiver.
DeleteJohn, you have a wealth of wisdom to share from what you've been through. Please enrich us. Thanks
DeleteVery good verse John, you are right pride will always lead to our downfall.
ReplyDelete1) advice I would give to someone about resolving conflict in marriage is to talk it out. When you to talk it out you understand. Don't assume that your spouse knows everything you're feeling and thinking about. When my wife and I go through a conflict I see it as chance for me and her get closer to each other. Our marriage gets strengthened. I guess what am saying have a positive outlook about conflict in marriage.
ReplyDeleteGood advice brother! Thats a great way to look at it.
DeleteExcellent outlook Vince! I need to grow in this. I'm too often frustrated by conflict and see it as a weakness of our marriage.
DeleteI have learned to cherish my marriage and not take it for granted so much. I must keep my gratitude up front and count my blessings. I have also learned that most of the times we argue its because she is not feeling loved or understood. For me its usually because i feel disrespected. I sometimes have to remind myself that its not that serious. I need to try to see it from her perspective ( which is super hard to do). I remember when we wrote our vows and it said through sickness and health, through the good times and the bad, and all that good stuff ;) No matter how angry she makes me i made a promise to myself, her, and God that i would not sweat at her. I know that when i used to swear, call names, and raise my voice at her, it would deeply hurt her. I havent done that in about a year and it feels good. I surrender to the fact that i will be with her for the rest of my life and any issues we have, we must get through together. God brought us together and blessed us with love ;)
ReplyDeleteGratitude is definitely essential, brother Philip. I can thank God a hundred times in the course of a day. Why not do the same for my wife who God has given me to love as He loves His church. Most of the articles I've read on the leading causes of divorce list lack of gratitude above infidelity. Let words of gratitude be your primary expression of your love the Father as for your wife, who is second only to God in your heart. Congratulations on striving to be the husband you know your wife deserves. Never forget how much better it feels to do right by her than to do what pleases you, and your marriage will be blessed. God bless, brother.
DeleteVery good Phil. Please take a time out when you start to get angry enough to swear. Of course it doesn't solve the problem, but it keeps the problem from getting our of hand.
Delete1 – My wife and I don’t have a lot of conflicts but that isn't always good either. When something bothers me I tend to keep it bottled up. There were times when I was bothered by something and shut down but I would keep thinking about it and getting angry. I’m not proud of it but I also remember being petty and doing things that would annoy her to get "even". I think it was after a Gary Chapman marriage seminar that I saw what I was doing wrong and have been trying to change and share my feelings with her.
ReplyDeleteBelow are some tips we got in Celebrate Marriage, most of them can be applied to almost any situation.
Tips for Effective Communication During Conflict
1 – Describe our feelings, using “I” instead of starting with “You”
2 – Focus on the specific and current behavior, and don’t label the person in a bad way.
3 – Use kind words and a kind tone of voice.
4 – Don’t keep things inside until you feel filled up and then dump everything out at once.
5 – Avoid ultimatums.
6 – Listen to what the other person has to say.
Communication Skills to Increase Intimacy
1 – Give full attention to our partner when talking. (Make eye contact, turn off phone & TV)
2 – Focus on the good qualities in each other and often praise each other. (Especially in front of others)
3 – Be assertive. Share our thoughts, feelings and needs. (Use “I” instead of “You”)
4 – Avoid criticism.
5 – If you must criticize, balance it with at least one positive comment.
6 – Listen to understand, not judge.
7 – Use active listening.
8 – Avoid blaming each other and work together for a solution
9 – Seek counseling if you are unable to resolve issues before they become more serious.
great advice George--thanks for enlightening us
DeleteThank you for sharing the struggle and those powerful tips George. I can identify totally with what you. Praise God that He is reprogramming our minds through the truth and wisdom of His Word and shared practical living principles derived from it.
DeleteMmm great tips and advices!! Now it's time to pray about them and act on them.
DeleteLove your honest sharing and good tips. "Focus on the good qualities in each other and often praise each other. (Especially in front of others)" I will work on that one more.
Delete1) When conflicts occur in our marriage, my wife and I try to use “I feel statements instead of making “you” statements to each other. That deflects our words from being used to attack each other and helps us to become less defensive and more willing to listen to each other. Also repeating our statements back to each other helps us to understand what each is saying and helps us to sense that we are being understood by the other. When I hear my wife make an “I feel statement”, I'm conditioned to know that she is really making an effort to communicate a problem or issue so that we can resolve it together.
ReplyDeleteI've found that by daily trying to tend to my marriage relationship, even if it is for a few minutes sometimes, that it results in my wife feeling loved, appreciated and understood. That helps a lot when an occasional careless word or gesture slips out that could easily escalate into a conflict. Instead there seems to be a cushion of grace to overlook the offense especially when immediately followed by an apology.
2) Did It
David, great relationship practices
DeleteGood point David, showing your wife that she is loved goes a long way.
DeleteGreat sharing and advice Dave! I feel I need to work more on sharing "I feel" messages:)
Delete1. Of course all marriages have conflicts--but its how we address issues and resolve them quickly and permanently that counts.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I had very few conflicts for most of our marriage, but when we did we agreed to address the issues after calming down and spend most of our efforts on what brought us together in the 1st place and how can we focus again on the positives.
Too often people focus on how the other changed as we all do change over time, but if we communicate needs and wants from each other -- then we change together as we strive to please each other in Christ like ways.
2. Did it
Very good Jack! You are illustrating the great value of calming down or taking a time out to be able to work through issues. look forward to seeing you tomorrow.
DeleteYou're right Jack, we all do change over time. One thing for the single people to remember is to not think you can change someone after you're married. It's just going to cause issues unless they want to change.
ReplyDelete1) When conflicts arise as they must, seek to understand the message they want to send rather then arguing over the words they actually state. Ask for clarification rather then assuming your conclusion is correct. Be quick to take responsibility for your part however great or small. Aim to validate and empathize where you can. When you can muster the courage share what kind of hurt you feel and what action brought it about.
ReplyDelete2) Did it.
Thank you for your knowledge and actions for doing such.
DeleteAll good points Antonio!
Delete1. Its very important to swallow your pride in marriage. My wife and I have gotten in arguments in which the conflict could have ended earlier if I would of just admitted fault. Its not worth the fighting. I'm learning that my wife is not the enemy. It takes practice but it is well worth it.
ReplyDelete2. When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
Chuy, it's definitely worth it. Unless we work at our relationships it’s easy to forget that we are a team.
DeleteWell said Chuy! Ditto for me too.
DeleteProverbs 11:3 "The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity." This verse is God's defined directives and are to be obeyed, disobedience will bring upon you his of wrath. This contrasting verse emphasizes the righteousness or the perversity in one's life. Prov. 15:4 "The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit."
ReplyDeleteAnd any thoughts on question #1?
DeleteWhen the wicked dies, his hope will perish, and the expectation of wealth perishes too. - Proverbs 11:7
ReplyDeleteLove your life so that people remember the good you did and that gets passed on to others. The ones that do bad leave no great legacy.
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. (Proverbs 11:13 NIV)
ReplyDeleteDon't share your complaints about your spouse with other's who may "pile on" or take your side in an argument. Unwise counsel or feedback from so called friends or false confidants may lead you to accentuate the negatives in your spouse versus focusing on the positives and on building and enhancing the marriage.
Mmm thank you brother, very wise I will take note of that.
DeleteGood point Daniel! I've heard it put as “Praise in public but criticize in private.” A verse that comes to mind is 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
DeleteWise advice Daniel! We need to find friends who will allow us to vent, but then will help us to take steps to strengthen our marriage.
DeleteProverbs 11:14"For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers."
ReplyDeleteThis verse is important to me. There have been times that I have been very hurt with the way my friends would treat me or act. I then would sometimes toss the idea within myself of ending the friendship.Thankfully, I had smart and wise people (my parents and grandparents) to talk to about the issue. Through the advising, They have helped me keep a lot of my friendships rather than ending of them. Their wise advice has also helped me salvage friendships with some of my closest friends. As a result, it is important to have people to talk to in order to make sure that you do not make hasty and rash decisions
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Prov.11:2
ReplyDeleteThis one hits home for me, for I can prideful in areas of correction and wanting to be right all the time.
My wife and I are newlyweds (7 1/2 & counting) and we have had our fair share of words towards each other. Note to that is were completely the opposite of each other where I am a person that say too much and she is a person who's says too little and bottles them up. I act upon quick thinking and impulse where as she sits and waits patiently.... what I have I found lately is that in those personalities we can very much compliment each other in.
Also we have had our time of disputes but we put a time out when its gettong out of hand but make sure to make time to bring up that conversation again. Another is "where words are many sin (pride) is not far", in times like that and other days we both pray that we seek humility in Christ so that i may learn to "listen" and let things soak in and my wife to "speak" her heart so that i may know what she is thinking and feeling. All and all we do come back to each other to share our understanding and frustrations... God bless my wife for I am blessed to have such a beautiful and wonderful woman!
Bueno Ismael! Good words and sharing!
Delete*Correction* We're 7 1/2 months and counting
ReplyDelete1. One thing that is helping me, is to remain silent as it says in Proverbs 11:2 "Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent." My first reaction is to defend myself usually and then go on the attack. Remaining silent and taking some time to think (even a couple of days) and process the whole situation before I respond is helping me to remain calm and then really focus on what needs to be addressed.
ReplyDelete2. did it
Proverbs 11:2, 4
ReplyDeleteWhen pride comes, then comes disgrace,but with humility comes wisdom.
Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath,but righteousness delivers from death.
Well I may not have much advice but I can share my experience because I'm learning myself. But when me and the wife fight she is actually the first one to throw divorce out at me but now that I have read this blog I understand that I'm supposed to be helping not affecting, yes we both have pride and it flares up when arguing, I have learned to bite my tongue and stay quiet and come back at a later time once things have cooled down but I get in trouble also even for being quiet and wanting to come back at a later time. My pride was really bad before but my past has taught me to make changes. I thank all of you for great advice in this it helps a lot.